Taking Chances

I haven’t been on a real date in a long time. I have hung out/gone out/chilled with guys before but I don’t think those moments count because they kind of just happened upon me as if it was suppose to be that way. In the summer I hung out with 'J' a lot and although he would never admit it, we were dating, we just never went on a date.

I think the difference between that and this is that this is intentional, personal and there is the little factor of me having a crush. I wish I didn’t, I wish I could just not care but I don’t think that is possible when me and T basically talk every night on the phone which is mixed in with all those other random moments on msn and webcam……

I think the reason I set my self up against it in the beginning is that I came to believe that the only people who would use these types of sites would be the anti-social, stinky, annoying, creepy and a bit boring type and I don’t want to believe that that is me.

So sushi, cookie making and wine drinking here I come, wish me luck!

P.S If it doesn’t work out It always makes for some self debasing humor and a good blog. Plus life is about taking chances right?

Up to this Point

So love;

I was in love once or possibly twice, actually maybe I was in love once and have loved twice. Make sense?

I have been thinking about the relationships I have had with the opposite gender

The good ones
The long ones
The heartbreaking ones
The short ones
The confusing ones

My first boyfriend was my first love, or what I thought love was at that time. He was also my only real relationship relationship. I never expected it but it happened, I never thought about him until he asked me out. Ha I was young and things have changed.
I hope.
Let’s name him C.
We were young, things were intense. It went back and forth for 4 years until finally it dissolved…
With lots of tears.

The next person that caught my interest caught it for a year before anything took place. I liked him and wanted something to happen. In my head I figured something would.
He was everything C wasn’t. I was dating C when I met him.
I wasn’t allowed to date him because of the program I was in and because I was dating C.
We were friends. I liked him. I didn’t know he liked me. We dated for 3 months. He bought me a Canuck jersey, we are still friends. He was what I would call a ½ relationship relationship.
We will call him S.

I loved this next person. I never told him but he knew. I have never been treated better by anyone. He was genuine and sweet and maybe too good for me. He wanted me but I pushed him away because, well I am not sure right now.
Maybe because it was a summer thing?
Maybe it was because it was another Montréal thing?
I won’t ever know. He was what I would call my non relationship relationship. We were never actually going out.
His name will be R.

The last person I can actually consider as someone I was seeing took place in Quebec as well … (that province!)
He was in my French program. When I met him/saw him, I knew. I am not sure why I knew since he didn’t fit into any of the categories of “types” that I like. But I just did. Something happened; I say it was something good. I can’t define what we are because there is no definition really. And plus he doesn’t like that whole definition thing…whatever.
He was difficult. I was confused. He was smart. I was intrigued. It was the summer and it had to end. He was more of a non-relationship relationship but he was also less because there was hand holding.
He will be J.
I have no real reason for writing about these people besides the point that I wanted to. And this is about me doing what I want.