Today

I love how the simplest of days can be the most brilliant.

We woke up late today, like 1 pm style late and began a day of cleaning and reorganizing (Jenn style)

He made me my favorite eggs coupled with the most delicious food ever invented.

TOAST.


I choose the kitchen and bedroom therefore eliminating the bathrooms from my list (they are boy type gross, plus he dirties them more then me) ... As I washed dishes I thought of how good it feels to be in this new season of life.

I love the;

New paint colours (orange, brown, coffee, red, and olive)
New floors
New organization
New fridge (hopefully)
New cream in the fridge
New step daughter


New (older) husband
New country (although sometimes i do have my worries about becoming Americanized)

Everything is fresh, beautiful, innocent, fragile, calm and overwhelming all the while being a great challenge and a non deserving expression of GODS love towards us.

I feel so unworthy but have a huge heart of graditude and awe at the same time.

Love is good but

GOD
IS
BETTER.



photo by leah tan

Back In Action

Have you ever thought it was strange how ones emotions can go from feeling; lonely, hurt, angered, betrayed, unsure to completely happy, blessed, excited and then back to upset and unrest again?

Maybe you've never felt that before or you have had a variation of such, but it has happened to me recently and has completely derailed my sense of sanity and balance.

I have had moments when I have wanted to write but just can’t seem to make any sense of my thoughts or don’t want to write them down because they might convince me that i really am crazy or something close to it.

I like words, I like thoughts and imagination and insight and writing and balance and reading all of my friends blog's and sleeping in. I don’t like feeling purposeless or unbalanced or unfriendly or unthankful or unhappy.

I am in the most wonderful season of my life, shheeesh sometimes its mind-blowing and exhilarating and great and i want to share it with everyone but I don’t know how cause everyone i know is far away and/or what if they don’t believe me and what if they don’t care and what if i am not in the mood to share?

My thoughts are all over the place, but you get the point right?

Love is great, friends are great so is reading and hugging and sharing and eating pasta together, I just got married and that is even more then great, its humbling, warm, scary, beautiful, passionate, quiet and more then anything that i could ever have dreamed of.

photo by Leah Tan

life

everything is wonderful

just

wonderful

Moving Time 2

A year ago I sat in this same empty space scared that I would not be able to live in a new place with a new person in this new neighbourhood and make it out semi alright.

I sat here with joy that there was a starbucks in view of my bedroom window with hopes that they would hire me and I would be able to start some sort of structured life.

And it happened, I started school, church, friends, work and life began and it was exciting

Now I am leaving, this will be the last time that I will call this place my very own without having to be a guest in it.

I am sad to be leaving but the sadness is more about leaving my friend here… I know I can come visit but it won’t be the same….
My roomie Jenn has been someone that I have been able to be completely myself around and still be loved…. Who else besides my sister (who has no choice), would allow me to fall on knees and grab there legs in a whiny plea to make me food and actually DO IT while laughing and probably thinking in her head that she lives with crazy. She has been the one who has seen me in my most girlie giggly *sigh in love stage as well as the one who has laid next to me and prayed for me when I was hurting inside. Jenny has danced with me down hallways, dressed me up for a fancy dinner, cooked me many AMAZING meals, motivated me to clean up and work out and reminded me how important reading books is. I am going to miss her. I am going to miss life together with her.

So I am excited about this next phase in my life but I kind of wish I could put a jenny in my pocket and bring here along.

Dress

I bought my dress today

I cant believe it

I have a dress

A pretty dress

No, Wait.... An Amazing dress

wedding

me and my love have gone back and forth on how we want to get married….we are not really the tradition wedding type, so we have come up with other options about how we want this done…..but it seems after all the discussing we have come to the conclusion that we want a semi-traditional wedding…you know with the church, dress and tux! So I have been up for the last 2 ½ hours looking at wedding venues in his area and dresses for me. I tried to sleep but all my mind keeps thinking is that “ I need to get this done before school starts” partnered with “why doesn’t the internet just do it all for me” .

I am super stoked to get married to him but have never had the wedding planning bug, so I am kinda stuck since we both are kinda poor and not the planning type...

Great Big Mystery

Yesterday morning as I was rushing out the door I grabbed one of my roommates cd’s (she has a collection that I have never heard before, keeps my ears fresh) so that on my drive to work I could sing along with something new….well I ended up grabbing a cd by the singer Bethany Dillon and only listened to one song over and over again (if you’re a girl you can relate to the repeat button syndrome…its in us all) …. The song was great, every time I listened to it, it would say something different to me…..here are the main lyrics that I like ….

I have tried to be the queen
I have tried most everything
Leads me to the same place
On my knees or on my face
On my knees or on my face

Nations fall when You speak
And You have spoken over me
I am tired of giving in so easily

The way You keep on loving me
Is changing everything I see
It's a great big mystery



The first lines to stick something in my head are “nations fall when you speak and you have spoken over me”….. WOW, if nations can fall when God speaks to them, what will happen to me if I just allow his leading…what is happening to me because of his call on my life……


After that my very plea was mimicked in the lines “ I am tired of giving in so easily”….. so many times I have given in because I was lazy, scared, apathetic or just being prideful…and I am tired of it….

Then the last lines to keep playing over and over again in my head were/are “the way you keep on loving me, is changing everything I see” ….. Isn’t it true that because of the way God loves us we see things differently…

-the value and potential in people
-being good stewards of our earth
-caring about social justice and the hopeless
-the gifts in ourselves
-love..true loce, right love, love without getting tired



As i was listening to this song i felt humbled and empowered as if God werre trying to tell me something, something wonderful,something beautiful....