Change.

I have been thinking

Thinking that I don’t write here enough

When I first started this blog I was a single girl living in Vancouver Canada with my vegan red headed roommate.

Now I am married living on a little Island in the US with my curly haired electrician husband and his own version of Dakota Fanning 6 year old daughter.

I want to perhaps start a new blog

A blog about my new life

A life which consists of lots of dish washing, laundry folding, church activities and meal creation.

Doesn’t sound as interesting as it could be but I didn’t think that looking at my friends feet for a week would be exciting yet it was.

I was thinking of starting a new blog that discusses my newness to being a wife, step mother and homemaker (I am still a student and that takes up a lot of my time too).

I was thinking of talking about my newness to cooking meals which I try to do about every second day, some are good many are failures...tonight was "outstanding" in the words of my husband...good ole chicken pot pie.

I want to add pictures (which means I need to get my butt down to a computer repair shop since mine is broken :( )

I want to share with ya'll how I have been living in a construction site since I have been married...right now I sit on a couch that sits on plywood with a sledgehammer, broom, huge garbage tin, electrical tools and nails all around.

I want to share how I will one day decorate this place (believe me it needs help)

I want to share my new life with my old life friends who are still my present friends.

I want to copy my friend Leah and do a "week in my shoes" post.

Today

I love how the simplest of days can be the most brilliant.

We woke up late today, like 1 pm style late and began a day of cleaning and reorganizing (Jenn style)

He made me my favorite eggs coupled with the most delicious food ever invented.

TOAST.


I choose the kitchen and bedroom therefore eliminating the bathrooms from my list (they are boy type gross, plus he dirties them more then me) ... As I washed dishes I thought of how good it feels to be in this new season of life.

I love the;

New paint colours (orange, brown, coffee, red, and olive)
New floors
New organization
New fridge (hopefully)
New cream in the fridge
New step daughter


New (older) husband
New country (although sometimes i do have my worries about becoming Americanized)

Everything is fresh, beautiful, innocent, fragile, calm and overwhelming all the while being a great challenge and a non deserving expression of GODS love towards us.

I feel so unworthy but have a huge heart of graditude and awe at the same time.

Love is good but

GOD
IS
BETTER.



photo by leah tan

Back In Action

Have you ever thought it was strange how ones emotions can go from feeling; lonely, hurt, angered, betrayed, unsure to completely happy, blessed, excited and then back to upset and unrest again?

Maybe you've never felt that before or you have had a variation of such, but it has happened to me recently and has completely derailed my sense of sanity and balance.

I have had moments when I have wanted to write but just can’t seem to make any sense of my thoughts or don’t want to write them down because they might convince me that i really am crazy or something close to it.

I like words, I like thoughts and imagination and insight and writing and balance and reading all of my friends blog's and sleeping in. I don’t like feeling purposeless or unbalanced or unfriendly or unthankful or unhappy.

I am in the most wonderful season of my life, shheeesh sometimes its mind-blowing and exhilarating and great and i want to share it with everyone but I don’t know how cause everyone i know is far away and/or what if they don’t believe me and what if they don’t care and what if i am not in the mood to share?

My thoughts are all over the place, but you get the point right?

Love is great, friends are great so is reading and hugging and sharing and eating pasta together, I just got married and that is even more then great, its humbling, warm, scary, beautiful, passionate, quiet and more then anything that i could ever have dreamed of.

photo by Leah Tan

Moving Time 2

A year ago I sat in this same empty space scared that I would not be able to live in a new place with a new person in this new neighbourhood and make it out semi alright.

I sat here with joy that there was a starbucks in view of my bedroom window with hopes that they would hire me and I would be able to start some sort of structured life.

And it happened, I started school, church, friends, work and life began and it was exciting

Now I am leaving, this will be the last time that I will call this place my very own without having to be a guest in it.

I am sad to be leaving but the sadness is more about leaving my friend here… I know I can come visit but it won’t be the same….
My roomie Jenn has been someone that I have been able to be completely myself around and still be loved…. Who else besides my sister (who has no choice), would allow me to fall on knees and grab there legs in a whiny plea to make me food and actually DO IT while laughing and probably thinking in her head that she lives with crazy. She has been the one who has seen me in my most girlie giggly *sigh in love stage as well as the one who has laid next to me and prayed for me when I was hurting inside. Jenny has danced with me down hallways, dressed me up for a fancy dinner, cooked me many AMAZING meals, motivated me to clean up and work out and reminded me how important reading books is. I am going to miss her. I am going to miss life together with her.

So I am excited about this next phase in my life but I kind of wish I could put a jenny in my pocket and bring here along.

Home

It felt very nice to come to my place today after a somewhat stressful day…made me feel a bit peaceful and energized even though I am tired.

Maybe because I got to snuggle with my roommate
Maybe because it was clean and clutter free (not my room of course)
Maybe it’s because there is stuff here that is mine
Maybe it is because I can see starbucks from my bedroom
Maybe because my cell phone is completely dead
Or because I had some yummy amazing cereal for dinner.


I wanna to cook my food and stop eating just toast……and I want to cook good food…sheeesh I have lived with an amazing cook (its not just me who think this, she has more fans) …well I have lived with her for almost a year and never fully watched her do her thing…and her thing is awesome…..

I am sleepy and grammar is extra hard for me, so I am going to sleep

the photo above is of my future family.

I love you water

If it wasn’t for warm water I would probably never drink water straight up, so if you want to win* my heart then warm water is the way (btw my heart is not available).

It seems that people have been giving me their opinions on love lately;
what it means to be in love, how long it takes, how you should go about it, what the boundaries should be, who to love, when to love, why to love, where to love…you know things like that …and the list goes on and on but the only advice I usually remember is that of my dads which is that he doesn’t believe people can truly love, unless the person is a part of themselves like a child or brother but he says that even then his theories often fails. I don’t like his ideas but then he is my dad so I listen and give my opinion but he usually disregards it because in his mind I am 15 and I need his constant supervision and insight (lets be honest here I guess part of my likes it, but only part of me). I don’t really understand the love between people beyond what I have experienced and received , all I really know is that it is more then a feeling! But that leaves gaps in my mind…anways it seems I have digressed in the reason for writing, so lets get back on track here.

Last night at Tenth, Ken read this quote below to all of us, and I think it struck me, my roommate and my Leah (you can read Jenn’s insight here, its probably much more deep and articulate then mine, but it should probably be that way because she is a writer and I am a talker)

“Nothing is more practical than finding GOD, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. it will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything. Father Pedro Arrupe

Beautiful eh!

Since I don’t fully know what my thoughts are about love and such, why don’t you give me yours, at least this way I can have other peoples ideas instead of just my Dad’s stuck in my brain !

*--- Win isn’t the right word, its not a game right?

ps. the picture is what happens to water when you say " i love you " to it, more information can be found here too

Questions

Dear Me

Why do you always leave things to the last minute?
Why do you not say what you’re feeling?
Why won’t you just start liking cheese?
Why do you eat those vegan brownies when you promised yourself you wouldn’t?
Why don’t you spend more time doing what you love?
Why don’t you phone people back when you say you’re going to?
Why aren’t you nicer to your sister?
Why do you not dream of your wedding like every other girl in the world?
Why do apples taste so DANG good?
Why do you let him know that he makes you tingle?
Why don’t you start being more open?
Why don’t you spend more time with your Leah, Kat, Michelle, Morena and Jenn?
Why do you treat your baby, aka Petey, aka Car so bad by not cleaning it?
Why don’t you let yourself sleep more?
Why do you love coffee so much?
why do you love toast so much ( not bread but TOAST)?
and finally self why do you have to get old?

Stupid Online Dating Website

I can’t write anymore, an epidemic has hit.

All I can do is smile
and wonder
and then complain to Jenn that its all her fault that I am smiling all the time.

I like it I think
I am confused for sure.
I don’t know whats going to happen next.
I kinda wanna hug someone.
I don’t want to give into it.
I wanna beat myself up.
I wanna beat Jenn up.
I wanna beat up the boy that has me smiling too.

computers are whack !

Priggish

I went to 10th ave tonight with my dad, leah and gloryorya.... my roommate usually comes but she decided to spend some quality time with her parents ( who does that anymore) well anyways it was a good night because I learnt a new word and I saw my roommates crush, which just so happens to be my crush ! I embarrassed myself when I dropped my pen on the lame ant floor and everyone looked at me..Such is life eh!
Well besides seeing my roommates crush (just to remind everyone it has been well over a month since me and Jenn have seen him..Sigh***) I also learned a new word.. PRIG.... have you heard of it before? Cause I sure haven’t.. (Leah I know you have since you are writing a blog about it...punk) ... well I think the best way to explain this new word is to describe my friend Leah (or Charles Dickens' portrait of the day-nurse Betsy Prig) since she so accurately potrays the meaning of the word!!!
She believes she is right, she wants to prove it to the word by telling them what to do, she is a person who demonstrates an exaggerated conformity or propriety, especially in an irritatingly arrogant or smug manner, which basically means she is snot (and yes the kind that comes out of your nose is included too )..she has too be right all the time and she uses her education to prove herself against me..gosh I cant help that I was born in society that doesnt place a high value on it...so if u have a priggish friend i recommend you sell them and see what you can get...or maybe just keep beating them at card games such as dutch blitz to show them that there priggy ways will not be put up with.

Same Crush One Week later

Last week I came home with the beauty of a man lingering in my head.
This week he was a no show and I find my roommate writing an ad in craigslist putting into the world that she is looking for her destiny, who just happens to be my destiny!

This week unfortunately my eyes caught the eyes of someone who was trying to catch my eyes while I was walking down the street to where I was suppose to see the beauty I was talking about last week and so following the lead of my roommate I wrote an add in craigslist about him…

Ha the lives of 20 something year olds living in Vancouver !

Same Crush

So here is the dilemma;

My dear roommate has decided to have a crush on a guy I think to be very very very beautiful … like exponentially more beautiful then any random good lookin dude walking down the street. I saw him first its true but she made it known that she thought he was a beauty before I had the chance….

We have a crush on the same guy… go figure.

So the story goes that she has chosen to be off the market for a year and a bit and me, well I don’t make silly promises like that cause I know I can’t keep em!

So should I date him until Jenn makes herself available and then dump him and let her go on with him. Or should I just push her out of the picture all together?

Ok so I know I am getting a little ahead of myself since I don’t even know the guys name and if I were ever given a chance to talk to him I would probably say something that didn’t sound like English, that didn’t sound like human.

Maybe next week I will accidentally push her into him !

So I guess the first line isnt really describing a true situation...there is no dilema.. i just couldnt figure out the correct word to use :P

p.s after writing a blog about how i deteste cheese my roomate makes this dish...
ok so its not cheese but it sure looks like it...

Restless

I am in one of my antsy, fidgety, restless, pacing, want to go to sleep (I know this contradicts the other things, but whatever, its how I feel) I don’t know what to do with myself moods.
These moods are not good because I tend to;
Annoy my roommate
Eat
Sleep (big no no, since I just had a 4 hour nap until 7 pm)
Spend too much time on facebook
Bother my roommate
Waste water in too long of showers
Start picking at my nails...ie. Biting...ewwwwww

I have lots of homework to do, but I don’t want to do it at this moment because like I said before I am in a fidgety mood and I wont be able to produce a good quality of work to hand in.

I am not sure why I want what’s not good for me (actually I understand WHY I want it, but not why, notice the difference) … this thing I want will not add to the quality of my life, will not satisfy longer then the moment, will add a heavy weight to my life probably wont stay around long, and will keep me in want… stupid chocolate…

Ok so maybe its not chocolate but you get the point.

I wanna go and dance, the hallway looks like a good floor!


side note... so I am glad I have Jenn because she try's and helps me see that the thing i want is not the thing that is best for me.. yaaaa roommates.