Because I like to read through past thoughts

Dec 1, 2006 !
Nothing
I am trying to figure out if it is wrong to do a little shuffling with my friends. Well more accurately put remove some friends from my life. I know that might sound a bit harsh, but I don’t think that all the people I have in my life as friends are worthwhile. This does sound bad but I don’t want it to come across that way, all people can’t be good for you. And some people I have in my life are not. I try to be loving and gracious but to be honest I cant all the time, and with some it seems that I have to be trying at every moment not just to turn to them and say that I can’t deal with their friendship anymore and to please just leave. Maybe it’s the mood I am in right now, but maybe it’s real. If I keep the people in my life that are really having a negative impact on my spirit what is the purpose? Am I not just reinforcing my need to be friends with everyone, am I just using them? This is hard for me because i want everyone to feel loved. I just don’t know.

Today was the first day I ever drove my car all alone, it felt like a great achievement although all I did was move it from one parking spot to the next. This is not as easy as it sounds for beginners in the driving of 5 speed cars. I had to get it into first gear, turn it around and reverse it so I could parallel park all with my lovely stepfather heckling me, right now I kind of wanna just go on my street and practice but the snow scares me, I keep thinking I am going to stall and a bus will be coming and wont be able to get out the way and smash into my sweet little white Honda and that will be the end of my driving days.
Everything seems to sound negative today, it wasn’t intended at all.

Today was actually a good day; I got a massage for an hour, bought some stuff for my new car, named the car Petey with the aid of my friend Megan, actually she thought of the name and I though of the story. Petey is a poor Gardner from England who with every cent he makes feeds and cloths his family.

I got to chat with someone pretty awesome, and that always makes me smile. I like smiling, I don’t like wrinkles, but I like smiling.

I love God too, its not just an after thought, its my reason for being

Update from then: The friend that was trying on my patience is no longer as close to me as we once were, but I think this is a good thing :)

Driving little ole Petey is not as hard as I thought it would be and man I really was mad at myself for buying a standard because it seemed so hard.

Questions

Dear Me

Why do you always leave things to the last minute?
Why do you not say what you’re feeling?
Why won’t you just start liking cheese?
Why do you eat those vegan brownies when you promised yourself you wouldn’t?
Why don’t you spend more time doing what you love?
Why don’t you phone people back when you say you’re going to?
Why aren’t you nicer to your sister?
Why do you not dream of your wedding like every other girl in the world?
Why do apples taste so DANG good?
Why do you let him know that he makes you tingle?
Why don’t you start being more open?
Why don’t you spend more time with your Leah, Kat, Michelle, Morena and Jenn?
Why do you treat your baby, aka Petey, aka Car so bad by not cleaning it?
Why don’t you let yourself sleep more?
Why do you love coffee so much?
why do you love toast so much ( not bread but TOAST)?
and finally self why do you have to get old?

Petey Time

My roommate and I went for a little walk today to enjoy the amazing sunshiny weather, while walking the conversation touched on a few subjects but found itself on cuddling and napping and our views on it, but all I could think about was “ sheeesh so not the time for talking/thinking about it” !

I have said before that I spend a lot of time in my little civic aka “petey”, so yesterday while I was driving to my mentor Jodi’s place I felt a voice inside me saying over and over again that “ when I am weak I am very strong”,
I am not sure what it means beyond the basic message that when I am weak I am actually strong (simple eh!). Right now I am going to take it as;
1) A good reminder/promise as I go into this next week
And as
2) A framework to go about dealing and thinking about those things I consider my own weaknesses and maybe not focus on trying to change them but letting my Creator use them for whatever purpose he sees fit!



Say what you want, mean what you say
Remember the deepest seeds still find the light of day
Do as you please, and be who you be
I'm telling you, this thing's gonna bring you to your knees DC Talk