Aug 23, 2007

Dont Know

I have never had the remarkable talent of putting my thoughts into words, I use to have it but I figure I dropped it somewhere and it hasn’t found its way back to me. I have been re-reading the wonderful book by C.S Lewis called The Screwtape Letters , not only read it but understand it ( understanding doesn’t come easy to me ). Today while waiting for an interview, I read the following quote and it struck me (Here Screwtape is telling Wormwood about how God (The supposed enemy) teaches people)

He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away his hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wordwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending , to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys” (40)
I am still intending but no longer desiring I lost the desire somewhere and haven’t a clue where or how to find it again. I am sick of being a hypocrite about my faith, about pretending to be a christian when I am not even sure what that means anymore …its almost like it is a crime to question, to be different then everyone else who says they believe...Almost like people that I am in the same circles with forgot that when Jesus was here he was unlike anyone, he was superb,outspoken, full of love and always honest…its like people are living in a fantasy about the truth when we are all crying out for reality! The only hope I have right now comes from 2 Timothy 2:13
“If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself “

I went to a movie today with my sister/friend Carla, we saw Stardust, And I highly recommend it unless you don’t like the movies I like, but you would only know this if you knew me or watched movies with me, yet still go see it !

1 comment:

Jenn said...

Amen,for Mr. Lewis - I too need to have another read through of that text - and don't worry about the expressing of yourself in type - it comes - and I do have to say that for me it the comfort in that I can say whatever I want - but know that when faced with the situation would not be as likely to say, it's a catharsis - that's why sometimes it's heated, maybe too much so - but I won't apologize for that.