Apr 24, 2008


The eye sees, the mind remembers,

For now at least.

Its 7 18 am, I have been up for 4 hours by now and have only 30 mins to accomplish my mission, if I fail its not going to be pretty.

So I rush in, drop my things, crack you open and in a matter of only 2 secs I cringe, gag and gasp at what my eyes behold !

Instead of the two normally perfectly round yellow and white fruits of chicken which we commonly refer to as eggs, I see yellow and white and mostly RED and what I believe to be an eye in some stage of development !

Right then and there I become a convert

No more eggs

For now at least!

Apr 22, 2008

Embarrassed Much?

Taking out your retainer for fear that your new boyfriend will think you’re a geek for wearing one and then realizing you lost it and go crazy trying to discover it only to find out that he found it below the seat of his car.*

Going on your fist date with someone and having each moment perfect then while have a lovely mug of hot chocolate you move your hand spasmodically and dump your hot chocolate on him

Going to the bathroom at your boyfriend’s house after drinking a high fiber drink and being on the road for well over an hour to realize that the toilet won’t flush* and it wasn’t just number 1 that ya did!

Do you remember when you were young and you use to read those embarrassing stories (maybe you still are young, and maybe you still do read them) in magazines such as Seventeen and Teen and be thankful that none of them ever happened to you, well my friends I am an embarrassing moment waiting to happen, or waiting to be discovered. The three written above are just a few that have happened upon me, and of course while I was with a boyfriend/guy at the occurrence. I know I am not the only one that things such as these or worse happen to, so if something’s happened to you why you don’t share it so that I don’t have to feel so foolish and can have someone to laugh at for once!

*1.he was sweet about it, he found it early on in my search and after I had ravaged his car without any luck, he innocently got me to re-look in his car because he had put it back so I wouldn’t have to feel so embarrassed, but my unobservant self overlooked it, so he finally fessed up that he had found it because I was about to order a new one from my ortho… did I mention that my retainer was leopard print?

*2. I tried and tried and tried for a long time to use the plunger and fix the toilet but had no such luck; my arms are just not powerful enough to unclog the clogyness. So I humbly invited my boyfriend in to help who was trying from the beginning to fix the problem…but no I am girl and I am tough and my face gets red real quick !

Apr 17, 2008


Why does inspiration for something have to come so late?

Right now my body is on high caffeine alert, even driving didn’t feel right, nor does typing since neither of these move fast enough

I am hungry, and all day I have been craving a burger but I wont give in, I wont! Cause I am sure that once I give in the first time I will continue to give in again and again and this will not lead to me being a self controlled human being when it comes to fast food so instead I vowed to myself and Val that I would eat at home, and eat something lovely indeed…

I like to follow through with what I say as well… so here is proof I came home to eat deliciousness

Kinda makes you wanna come over for dinner and enjoy some eh, along with the company of me right? Sheeesh I impress myself sometimes!

Sick I have an exam in two days, please Saturday dont come ( actually do come but make me brilliant before you get here) ...Sick sick sick I don’t want to do it, I can’t do it, I shouldn’t do it yet I have to do it….

maybe eating will make me less annoyed with the lack of disciple I have had towards studying and hopefully it will make me less jittery ….yes less jittery is what I need before I head to the library right near where I live….

ps. the orange stuff is food colouring wrapped around a yummy moist ( but non mushy) noodle as well as some solid white tuna surrounded my some lovely red raspberries!

Apr 14, 2008

I love you water

If it wasn’t for warm water I would probably never drink water straight up, so if you want to win* my heart then warm water is the way (btw my heart is not available).

It seems that people have been giving me their opinions on love lately;
what it means to be in love, how long it takes, how you should go about it, what the boundaries should be, who to love, when to love, why to love, where to love…you know things like that …and the list goes on and on but the only advice I usually remember is that of my dads which is that he doesn’t believe people can truly love, unless the person is a part of themselves like a child or brother but he says that even then his theories often fails. I don’t like his ideas but then he is my dad so I listen and give my opinion but he usually disregards it because in his mind I am 15 and I need his constant supervision and insight (lets be honest here I guess part of my likes it, but only part of me). I don’t really understand the love between people beyond what I have experienced and received , all I really know is that it is more then a feeling! But that leaves gaps in my mind…anways it seems I have digressed in the reason for writing, so lets get back on track here.

Last night at Tenth, Ken read this quote below to all of us, and I think it struck me, my roommate and my Leah (you can read Jenn’s insight here, its probably much more deep and articulate then mine, but it should probably be that way because she is a writer and I am a talker)

“Nothing is more practical than finding GOD, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. it will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything. Father Pedro Arrupe

Beautiful eh!

Since I don’t fully know what my thoughts are about love and such, why don’t you give me yours, at least this way I can have other peoples ideas instead of just my Dad’s stuck in my brain !

*--- Win isn’t the right word, its not a game right?

ps. the picture is what happens to water when you say " i love you " to it, more information can be found here too

Apr 10, 2008

9 years ago

When I was 15 and living in the Courts I started dating boy “C” after a month of him asking me out and a month of me saying No… for some reason I knew I shouldn’t date him, but eventually gave in and dated him ( off and on and off and on and off) for about four years of my life. The place we lived in was named by the neighborhood "the Courts" it was interesting…it was a mixture of races; ethnicities and one dimensional when it came to class….we were all poor! To make things a little more interesting with my relationship with him is the fact that on one side of me he lived and on the other his ex, today I sent her this email;


So I have wanted to write you for a while (like 3 or 4 years a while) but have always got lost in the moments of my own life. I am not sure exactly why I wanted to besides the fact that I feel I may have disrespected the relationship you and C had before me and him. I was young and completely na├»ve of the relationship you two had prior. So I wanted to say sorry for then and sorry that it had to be so awkward living there in the courts. When he and I started dating he told me that you two had been broken up for about 8 months, I didn’t learn until later on that that was a lie… Dang Boys! I wouldn’t have gone out with him if I had known that me and him started so quick after you two. I know this happened along time ago and you probably have not thought about it since then, but I want to make it right with you if it is possible.

With that said

I wish you blessings for this new and exciting wedding and marriage that is coming up soon :)


This is not meant to be a ‘Good is me’ post but a reminder that it’s never to late to say sorry to someone. I didn’t do it to feel justified inside, or to feel that I am a good person… I knew that I had to say sorry because of the way I acted back then even if the event so long ago and our lives have moved on. Maybe she wont receive it, maybe she will laugh but thats not suppose to be my worry or burden...mine is to act lovingly

Our words have significant power….to sooth, to bring joy and truth, to love, to hurt, to destroy, to lie…let us use our words to breathe life into people today

Apr 8, 2008

Because I like to read through past thoughts

Dec 1, 2006 !
I am trying to figure out if it is wrong to do a little shuffling with my friends. Well more accurately put remove some friends from my life. I know that might sound a bit harsh, but I don’t think that all the people I have in my life as friends are worthwhile. This does sound bad but I don’t want it to come across that way, all people can’t be good for you. And some people I have in my life are not. I try to be loving and gracious but to be honest I cant all the time, and with some it seems that I have to be trying at every moment not just to turn to them and say that I can’t deal with their friendship anymore and to please just leave. Maybe it’s the mood I am in right now, but maybe it’s real. If I keep the people in my life that are really having a negative impact on my spirit what is the purpose? Am I not just reinforcing my need to be friends with everyone, am I just using them? This is hard for me because i want everyone to feel loved. I just don’t know.

Today was the first day I ever drove my car all alone, it felt like a great achievement although all I did was move it from one parking spot to the next. This is not as easy as it sounds for beginners in the driving of 5 speed cars. I had to get it into first gear, turn it around and reverse it so I could parallel park all with my lovely stepfather heckling me, right now I kind of wanna just go on my street and practice but the snow scares me, I keep thinking I am going to stall and a bus will be coming and wont be able to get out the way and smash into my sweet little white Honda and that will be the end of my driving days.
Everything seems to sound negative today, it wasn’t intended at all.

Today was actually a good day; I got a massage for an hour, bought some stuff for my new car, named the car Petey with the aid of my friend Megan, actually she thought of the name and I though of the story. Petey is a poor Gardner from England who with every cent he makes feeds and cloths his family.

I got to chat with someone pretty awesome, and that always makes me smile. I like smiling, I don’t like wrinkles, but I like smiling.

I love God too, its not just an after thought, its my reason for being

Update from then: The friend that was trying on my patience is no longer as close to me as we once were, but I think this is a good thing :)

Driving little ole Petey is not as hard as I thought it would be and man I really was mad at myself for buying a standard because it seemed so hard.

Apr 7, 2008


I love faces

The design of them
The complexity of them
The beauty of them

I like to look at and watch peoples faces which I admit can be a bit creepy because most people think I am looking at them and I guess I am but then I am not, at least not in the way they probably imagine. I almost feel like I am looking at something deeper then the image my eyes are seeing.

Their wrinkles, scars, eyes and marks are telling me a story about a life that doesn’t require words but causes me to wait and wonder.

I love faces.

A couple years back I was reading a book called “Practicing the Presence of People” and the author talked about his love of malls because he could people watch and therefore fall in love with a creation that is the bearer of the image of God. That thought permeated within me because this is what I want to do, love people. Watching faces helps facilitate that for me because when I look at someone faces it makes me wonder about their story, about their life, about their struggle and wondering leads to life and life to grace and grace to love. To be honest judging people has become to easy for me which is counterintuitive to loving in the first place because “ when we judge people we have no time to love them” (Mother Theresa) and I want to love;

The scars
The wrinkles
The beauty
The story
And most importantly the person.

Apr 2, 2008

Four Days too Long

Hypothetically speaking, wouldn't you agree that being away from someone that you love for an extended time ( lets say 4-5 days) would kinda be a tad bit poooey?

Apr 1, 2008

Late Night Mind Work

Sometimes too many thoughts interfere with my sleep, take last night for example I ended up going to sleep around 3 am and waking around 730 am ish all because my mind was over active.
There wasn’t really anything deep occurring, just the regular run of the mill things like

“Why do pillows feel the best when you HAVE to wake up for something?”
“Why is a yummy egg really a fetus?”
“How can I steal my roommates clothing without her noticing”
“How come hearsay law has so many exceptions?”
“Why can’t broccoli smell as good as muffins when they are being baked?”
“Why do we call a shirt a shirt?”
and finally
"Will I always hate alarm clocks?"

Stupid things keeping me up at stupid hours!

Today I went out with my Mentor Jodi for some coffee/chat time, it was good
She asked me questions
I answered
She gave me things to think about *
I am thinking about them now

Now at least it is not so stupid thoughts keeping my up at stupid hours which unfortunately have to happen the night before my 4 45 am shift!

*Ok so among the things she gave me to think about; faith, love, dad, future, grace and school my mind has these lyrics playing on repeat

“You're so cute when you're slurring your speech,
But they're closing the bar and they want us to leave”
Death Cab for Cutie

I don’t know why it has to be at this point in the song that my mind starts working and remembering, but it is and I like it….