May 30, 2008

I dont deal with "missing" well

I am having one of those moments (or I am in a mood) where I wish I was dating someone* who lived closer to me. I want to be able to just call that person up and be like “hey, Lets do something, I will be over there in 15 mins” or have a time when I am just surprised by that person’s presence at my house or at my work.

I am being ungrateful for what I have, which is more then anything I could have asked or imagined for, but these moods just happen upon me…or like tonight is triggered by events/people. Tonight I went out to Martini with my old manager and her boyfriend and just wanted to have that person there with me; to pick on, to laugh with, to annoy….you know all the normal life things, but he wasn’t there ( no blame is meant) and it felt like he should be there( maybe because it is a friday night?). The night was fun and I didn’t think much about it until I left, but the point is I still thought about it and feel a bit ashamed for that.

I am annoyed with myself because like I said earlier I feel that the person who I have in my life is beyond wonderful, is a blessing, is my love and I don’t want to be ungrateful, especially regarding him.

I am not good at this semi-long distance thing; I need/want personal face to face interaction with everyone that is involved in my life…. I want it with my roommate, my mom, my leah, my friends, my family and my boyfriend….

The point is I am unhappy that I let myself feel ungrateful when God has a bigger plan that goes beyond my temporary mood shifts.

Some one give me a little shake please!

* the person I want closer is the one I already have !

When your gone

I felt like this song last night at work

Hanging By A Thread - Nickel Creek


I cant write

I just dont know how to

Its like someone crept into my brain and took all the joy away from typing/journaling and left me with thoughts that are captive inside an overactive brain.

Maybe it is because school ended

Maybe it is because I dont have time

Maybe it is because I dont care

I need help;

writing help

May 13, 2008

Sleepy Time

I think you have all noticed that I have not written in a while

I have noticed as well and am not sure what to do about it besides write

but I dont want to write

not now at least.

I get bored easily and often lose my train of thought, or put it somewhere and forget to retrieve it at a later date.

I have a bad memory

I have a bad sleep schedule as well

I love sleep

I love warmth as well.

One thing I dont like it cheese ( but you know that already)

another thing I dont like is traffic ( maybe you dont know that yet)

I also really dont appreciate mean people, but what can you do since they seem to be everywhere?

I am going to sleep right now in a warm bed where cheese, traffic and mean people are against the law.