Dec 29, 2007

Saturday Nights

I finished my red velvet “secrets” journal today before work. I have been writing in it since March of 2006… I am a slow writer.

I did this personality quizy thing last night and it told me what I kinda already know to be true… I am friendly, outgoing, fun...blah blah … well today I had to work at another Starbucks location and I was a bit nervous because I didn’t know what the people would be like before going in, people scare me sometimes, especially people I have to work with. I decided to journal a bit to clear my head and as I was writing I realized that I would be fine because for the most part people like me ( this isn’t mean to puff myself up). I get along with people; I smile at people and basically charm them (ok I hate using that word, but it fits best). I want people to like me and I want to like people. This is sometimes a problem though. What’s the problem you ask?

One of the reasons I get along with people is that I accommodate them (this is what writing has shown me); I want people to feel comfortable, liked and affirmed. I don’t want people to not feel loved because I don’t like feeling it myself. A couple weeks back I went out with a friend and she told me that I don’t really bring my friends together, or let them meet each other. I don’t do this purposely; I am just selfish and like having people to myself. Well what she said is also true, I am not sure how to accommodate two people at one time. What if they don’t like each other? What if one of them smells and you don’t want the other to notice? What if they end up liking each other more then me? You know stuff like that. Someone give me a solution please

Another topic: Boys

So I have been in communications with S recently, I am not sure what it means or why I am doing it, I just know that I am doing it and I like it. I feel like me and him have been on and off forever without ever really being on, in my roommates terminology kind of like a pseudo-relationship. We did date for a bit a couple years back ( I cant even believe that it has been a couple years :p) and I really liked him then, I don’t think I like him the same way, at least I don’t think I do. I also know that I say this sitting in Vancouver and if I was in Montreal (were he is) my feelings might be different…
Stupid feelings
Stupid distance?

My roommate also got me hooked into a website
A dating website…..
It’s really a weird phenomenon, I don’t feel like I am looking for someone or need this site to find that someone (I am not against these types of sites) but it is interesting to look around and chat with people and let your mind wonder at possibilities. I dont know whats going to happen with it, maybe nothing but some mind distractions other then facebook(which is evil) and books ( which are not the way, I just finished "Life After God" by Douglas Coupland and highly recommend it)

Confession time:
I once met someone off of a website (not a dating site, but myspace) and it went wonderful, we actually met in TimeSquare (a girls gotta be safe you know). Maybe this is the season for meeting new people!


Anonymous said...

hmmm online dating. i think im too young for that hahha
but its an idea. nwo that i think about i tthe only time i hang out with you WITH ppl is at church...
when we chill its always one on one.
HMMMM leaha! im gonna take you out of your element! it will be fun times. no worries :)

leah said...

how about a quasi-relaionship?

Jenn said...

pseudo, quasi whatever you call it - it ain't good