I am not very good at blogging, that’s why I haven’t been doing it very often! So right now I am just going to simply state what I have been feeling /going through!
1) I feel confined… confined by my clothing, my religion, my laziness and apathy, its like I try to break free but just run into walls and bruise my face or just get much dreaded pimples !
2) I am feeling really confused about my mind and its limitations as of late! I cant seem to remember anything or retrieve thoughts and ideas that I know are in my head...it goes from the simple “where are my keys, I know you’ve stolen them Jenn “(roommate) to theories that I have studied for the last 3 years in school as well to verses and themes in the bible that have had substantial impact on my life! This is really driving me crazy because I feel like I am trying to so hard to understand and remember things with no avail.
3) I feel like my heart and soul are crying out use me! Use me! Use me! But there is no result I just feel like a disillusioned lethargic fool!
I don’t mean to sound bummed, I am not really… I just don’t want to be wasting time. I want to use the gifts that I have been given but I am not sure where my place is because more and more I don’t feel like it is with privileged rich kids that somehow don’t get it ( I know I need an attitude change)
I have to admit last week I wasted a lot and didn’t even feel convicted about it so I thought to search out something that would speak against wasting time or at least something to inspire me for the rest of this season
Psalm 90:12 "Teach us to count our days that we may gain a wise heart." That’s what I want to do..Thats what I have been praying and seeking and ya its simple but it means something to me in this season of my life ! I found this prayer/poem which I think speaks to the general culture around time today
Michel Quoist, "Lord, I Have Time."
I went out Lord,
People were coming and going
Walking and running.
Everything was rushing: cars, trucks, the street, the whole town.
People were rushing not to waste time.
They were rushing after time,
To catch up with time, to gain time.
"Good-bye, Sir, excuse me, I haven't time.
I'll come back. I can't wait, I haven't time.
I must end this letter, I haven't time.
I'd love to help you, but I haven't time.
I can't accept, having no time.
I can't think, I can't read, I'm swamped, I haven't time.
I'd like to pray, but I haven't time.
"Lord, you have made a big mistake in your calculations.
There is a big mistake somewhere.
The hours are too short,
The days are too short,
Our lives are too short."