Oct 22, 2007

Runnning Tunes

I went running today to prove to myself that I could beat the time I received the other day for running 1.5 miles. My roommate needed a test subject and well I had no where to hide, sadly I got a time of 14.40 which is not something to boast about!

While I was running I was listening to some music, in particular U2 and a couple Derek Webb songs. The song ‘I Repent’ came on and for a while I was just kind of dazed to the words, just using the actually music to keep my stamina up, I decided to listen to it again as I have been trying to focus my life on things bigger/higher then myself and as soon as I began to listen, conviction came.

To give a little context to why I felt convicted; it seems lately that I have been really critical of those who belong to the Christian faith, in particular those that attend church. I guess the correct word would be Judgmental, not outright but in my spirit, which is probably worse. I have been finding myself believing I am better because I don’t subscribe to certain tendencies or because I am resisting the status-quo syrupy vanilla syndrome that I see all around me. I don’t know when I figured it was ok for me to judge or look down upon something when I hardly know anything at all and when I am only in this place of my life because of grace! I have no authority because I am not doing anything to fight what it is that I dislike, I do not love people in my judgments, and I am not growing in these thoughts but instead becoming more and more cynical.
He opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.
I don’t even want to be justified in my thoughts;
I want to think about what is good, pure, right, and lovely. I want to love people and inspire them and give them hope, I am suppose to be an image right? This is how I want to make a difference because my ideologies will not go very far; I know this because when people are spouting there’s to me, I just become cynical of them! Not all the time but the majority… I am judging it because I dont want to be like it. I think I am just sick of my self-being a complainer and a critic of something that is beautiful, spiritual and very intimate! I don’t know where peoples hearts are at, they could just be like mine… in a constant battle to choose what I believe to be right, in constant failure but most surely in constant grace!

Here are some excerpts from the song;

I repent; I repent of my pursuit of America’s dream
I repent; I repent of living like I deserve anything

I repent of parading my liberty
I repent of paying for what I get for free
And for the way I believe that I am living right
By trading sins for others that are easier to hide
I am wrong and of these things I repent

I repent judging by a law that even I can't keep
Of wearing righteousness like a disguise
To see through the planks in my own eyes

I repent of trading truth for false unity
I repent of confusing peace and idolatry
By caring more of what they think than what I know of what we need
By domesticating you until you look just like me
I am wrong and of these things I repent


Aghh I am sick of myself, I am doing the very think I detest in others and the worst part is that I have been justifying it !

Plus who wants to be around a critical person all the time..hmm I take that back since there was once someone that was like that, that I enjoyed being around but thats besides the point and this person is far away now!

1 comment:

Mia said...

Leaha,

Your post is amazing, it is such a great reminder and it is refreshing to see the spirit of God at work in my friends!

I think this is something which we all need to hear (aka. especially me right now), but that most pple wont talk about!

I appreciate your boldness in being so straight up! keep it coming & u'll see alot more comments from me!