Hearing

Sometimes when I am in pain I lie on the floor
Sometimes when I am deep in thought I can’t speak
Sometimes I think wonderful things just to forget them moments later
Sometimes I take people for granted when all I really want to do is love them
Sometimes (all the time) people tell me things without realizing the impact it will have on my life.

Today I received a phone call from someone who has had a huge impact in my life, my mentor/friend Jodi, she phoned to explain that she had just finished talking to someone about me and about the passion I have. She explained how she was almost in tears because of the conversation she had with this lady on my behalf. She gave me this ladies number and explained that maybe I should call her.

Instead I laid on the floor in pain, went to the bank, thought wonderful thoughts, ate ice cream, thought about a conversation I had on Easter with someone, came back home with the unsettling feeling in my gut that I needed to phone this lady.
So I phoned her unsure of what I should say but I though that maybe if I started with the basics God could handle the rest…

“Hey there my name is Leaha, you talked to my friend Jodi today”….
“Hi there Leaha I was waiting for your call”

From there we told each other our testimonies, our hearts, our fears, our visions (more like her amazing vision and my faithless vision) and then she prayed for me and explained how blessed I had made her day.

I got off the phone with her feeling pretty amazing because she recognized something in me that I have been trying to hide and repress without much luck because even though I become quiet and without words when deep things are happening in my head God still knows what is happening, and even if I don’t want to recognize it verbally he uses other people to bring those thoughts to life with their words.

To give a little bit of context to all of this I should explain some things. I have always had the heart and desire to be with people, to love people, to encourage people and to make people smile. I had the desire when I was younger to be a “missionary” and I did it. But my thoughts began to change about how and why it should be done to start with.
I am not a big proponent of people going into a place, telling the people about how their lives are bad and how they need Jesus, then leaving the place and going home feeling all happy inside, somehow this never seemed like the Gospel to me and I feel like it has left many people groups a little confused, mainly my own. I have seen too much hurt and disappointment in my own people because of things that have happened to them at the hands of religious people( in the form of residental schools) who used Jesus as their own tool for assimilation into the mainstream culture ( , more accurately put I still see and hear about it every time it gets brought up that I attend a church and believe in God and every time I see another family stuck in hopelessness to the extreme that drugs/alcohol and suicide become their only future.

I dont want this be the history of my people, I dont want to be another statistic, I dont want others to be ignorant about why these things occur, I dont want to be dispassionate and I defintly dont want to sit around well fed, well dressed, well educated and filled with the spirit of a God who moves mountains and whispers in the ears of his people to do something....


14 What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds ? Can such faith save him? 15 Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. James 2.

Memories please

I was going to write about the beautiful morning I had in the sunshine and how I love days when the temperature is just right but quickly changed my mind when I saw the snow….SNOW… it is not supposed to snow in March unless you are anywhere east of here…

so instead I thought I would write about what I found today in my parents basement, something small but significant … this picture of me… it is significant because not many pictures of little leaha exist…there are a few ( 2) on my grandmas wall and my mother has 3 pictures of me in the age range of 2-5… other then that there is no photographic evidence of my existence… there are reasons for this that are not really important besides the fact that my mom did what was best for me and her at the time.

I love finding old photos because I don’t remember my life from before 11 years of age except for the fact that i moved around alot. Some say that not remembering is for my own benefit, some say that it is normal… but those people at least have photos of their life…. and now I have one more to add to the collection and that is SWEET.

Phone Time

You ever meet someone that you knew in the depths of who you are that you were/are suppose to know them? That person that makes you feels warm and alive and thankful because you get to be around them. Well I have someone in my life that I feel so grateful to know and knowing them is only possible because we both listened to something that told us to take a step and obey the voice of god in our lives.

This isn’t a romantic boy/girl relationship that I am talking about, but a deep rooted friendship with someone I have known for about four years. My friend Kat has been in my head for a while, my thoughts have been that I should just call her and make a date to hang out but often I just tell myself that I will do it later and then I forget, get distracted, get busy and the moment passes. Today I decided that I would not let the moment pass and called my friend. I phoned and we talked, we didn’t have any amazing heart wrenching conversation, nothing significant went down… but we talked.

Talking to Kat reminded me how grateful I am to know her, truthfully speaking she is one of my favorite people and I wish I could introduce her to everyone I know. She is one of those people that inspire me to press on, to stand for what I believe, to love, to give and to live unselfishly, and she does this by the way she lives her life. I think the difference between her and other people that I know is that I respect her and somehow that changes everything.

Being her friend makes me want to be a better friend, if I could only be a glimpse of light to the people around me like the light she is to me my heart would be satisfied.

Having great friend’s displays to me the impact that we can have with the people in our lives…we have the opportunity to be a positive and loving presence in peoples lives and this excites and freaks me out because there are so many hurting and fragile, so many who feel abandoned and depressed and it is so easy to judge instead of love and unfortunately I feel that I don’t love with the capacity that I have been given and I don’t want to be like that…. I want to be generous with my love, with my time…. with my life because when I really think about it my life was redeemed, I was bought with a heavy price and I do not want to take that for granted.

This is why I am glad I talked to my Kat.

Mess

Recently it seems to be that I have become a clutz ( in america) ... last time I was here I spilled blood* on my boyfriends carpet..... and this time a bowl of salsa ! ....

It is getting annoying.... I have realized that I dont pay attention too well, but gosh dang it , why does it have to be so noticble here !




* I accidently cut myself with a wine glass

Oh Earl

I have spoken before about my appreciation for tea

And although it is very true, I love me my tea

I often forget that the kind that I love and drink the most is full of caffeine

Caffeine that keeps my heart racing and my eyes open

Caffeine that will make it impossible to fall asleep at a decent time so that the indecent

time that I must awake will be brutal

like 3:55 am brutal !


on a brighter note I drank some amazing tea tonight :)

Maybe a little frustrated

so many different thoughts in my head that are keeping my from a project that I need to be doing, so I figured I should write them out before my mind goes crazy.

Yesterday

I was kind of in an off mood during the day; it came after having an intense weekend with my youth group at a conference in Seattle.
I came to my boyfriend’s town to visit and hang out but found that the majority of the day kept me with my own self (it is definitely not boyfriend’s fault (he had to do something, and that something was amazing). I was trying to work through what it was that set my mood off and came to two conclusions;
1) I was emotionally spent after having conversation upon conversation with my kiddies (I love conversations BTW, I think I may just have needed some moments to myself to digest all that I learnt, heard and was asked)
2) I don’t know anyone in the town my boyfriend lives in so I kind of felt like his tail throughout the day, and I hate feeling like a tail. Dont get me wrong I am grateful just to be in a room with him, to be able to make eye contact with him and feel part of his life. I am just not use to not having my friends or family around me or at least in calling distance. I love people, I love being around them, phoning them, eating with them, bumming around with them …and the list goes on. It feels weird to me not to have any friends here besides my boyfriend and I think it may even bother me. I mean I realize that we have only been dating a short while but………. (I really have not but). It just bothers me.

Saturday

I don’t want to live my life in the middle. I want to be totally in it or not in it at all. I mean what’s the point to have one foot in and one foot out; this will eventually lead to tension within me. Hot or cold, please no warm!

Today

As I was waking up I realized that I have to find balance in my life. A way to ensure that my body, my friends, my spirit, my mind and all the things around me that I love are not neglected. I am not sure how to do this, I have never been good at it but I need to find balance.

Tomorow

I will love the rain.

I believe

My heart is so light right now ...

I know these posts have been kind of short lately but I cant change my inability to think and write coherently, soon there will come a real update :)

Woot Woot Worthy

Sweetness

HIS mercies are new each morning

and afternoon

and evening !

Direction

I forget to easily what direction I am suppose to be heading in...


photo courtesy of the lovely leah tan

Let us imagine

Just two random “let us imagine’s”

Lets just imagine for a second that you were someone that I was serving at my store, here are a few pointers to make your time around me more pleasant!

1) Do not caress my hand when I am passing you your drinks ( I don’t know you, I don’t know where your hands have been, I don’t want your hands touching me)
2) Do not talk on your cell phone ( Come on now that is just plane rude, I am a person too, I exist, don’t you pretend that I don’t or else I may have to do something to your drink)
3) Eye contact please 
4) Men don’t be all flirty with me while your ladies are in the car sitting next to you, because you wanna know what that does to me? It brings a scowl to my face and no one wants to see that
5) Say thank you, ok so I know you just paid for your drink and have no real reason to say thank you, but its just common courtesy and who knows maybe the next time you come in we will treat you extra nice and give you free things ( manners go a long LONG way)

Now lets imagine you are someone who lives with me, these are the things you would know that most others don’t;

1) When I get in the first thing I say is “I neeeeeeed to get out of my clothes”, this happens no matter what I am wearing.
2) If my keys are missing, it is your fault
3) I love love love love drinking tea
4) I cant do anything productive in my room besides sleeping
5) I love having my bed made no matter how messy the rest of my room is
6) If my cell phone is missing, it is also your fault
7) What else is your fault? Well if I am gaining weight, that is too since it is your food I am eating
8) When I am not eating your food, I eat like a university student
9) I love touch and this is more noticeable in a home setting
10) Bread is mhmmmmmm yummy and that’s why it will always take up the most room In the freezer
11) I cant make a decent cup of coffee to save my life
12) I am always in a big rush, running from one place to the next to the next
13) And finally I love mugs ;)




p.s my mind has been feeling kinda empty lately, can someone fill it up?

DanG Cold

I have a cold
or the begining or something turning into a cold

its pooey

my head is pulsing
my throat is sore
my ears are aching


whomever gave it to me will be found
I wasnt made for sickness :P

All I want is some tea, some warm arms and maybe a few advil ( if the warm arms dont do the trick)

Smiling

I feel as if everything I was resisting has slowly melted away

I don’t have words to express what’s going on inside of me but its brilliant and beautiful and part of me wants to keep it secret but I cant because its written all over me,

on my face
in my presence
in my walk
in my eyes


I cant find the words to express myself because I don’t feel like they will be enough but I cant keep it quiet….

hmmm maybe I will just hug my roommate or my pillow or this warm cup of coffee in my hand ( Ya Ya i realize none of those things make noise but whatever)