Sometimes when I am in pain I lie on the floor
Sometimes when I am deep in thought I can’t speak
Sometimes I think wonderful things just to forget them moments later
Sometimes I take people for granted when all I really want to do is love them
Sometimes (all the time) people tell me things without realizing the impact it will have on my life.
Today I received a phone call from someone who has had a huge impact in my life, my mentor/friend Jodi, she phoned to explain that she had just finished talking to someone about me and about the passion I have. She explained how she was almost in tears because of the conversation she had with this lady on my behalf. She gave me this ladies number and explained that maybe I should call her.
Instead I laid on the floor in pain, went to the bank, thought wonderful thoughts, ate ice cream, thought about a conversation I had on Easter with someone, came back home with the unsettling feeling in my gut that I needed to phone this lady.
So I phoned her unsure of what I should say but I though that maybe if I started with the basics God could handle the rest…
“Hey there my name is Leaha, you talked to my friend Jodi today”….
“Hi there Leaha I was waiting for your call”
From there we told each other our testimonies, our hearts, our fears, our visions (more like her amazing vision and my faithless vision) and then she prayed for me and explained how blessed I had made her day.
I got off the phone with her feeling pretty amazing because she recognized something in me that I have been trying to hide and repress without much luck because even though I become quiet and without words when deep things are happening in my head God still knows what is happening, and even if I don’t want to recognize it verbally he uses other people to bring those thoughts to life with their words.
To give a little bit of context to all of this I should explain some things. I have always had the heart and desire to be with people, to love people, to encourage people and to make people smile. I had the desire when I was younger to be a “missionary” and I did it. But my thoughts began to change about how and why it should be done to start with.
I am not a big proponent of people going into a place, telling the people about how their lives are bad and how they need Jesus, then leaving the place and going home feeling all happy inside, somehow this never seemed like the Gospel to me and I feel like it has left many people groups a little confused, mainly my own. I have seen too much hurt and disappointment in my own people because of things that have happened to them at the hands of religious people( in the form of residental schools) who used Jesus as their own tool for assimilation into the mainstream culture ( , more accurately put I still see and hear about it every time it gets brought up that I attend a church and believe in God and every time I see another family stuck in hopelessness to the extreme that drugs/alcohol and suicide become their only future.
I dont want this be the history of my people, I dont want to be another statistic, I dont want others to be ignorant about why these things occur, I dont want to be dispassionate and I defintly dont want to sit around well fed, well dressed, well educated and filled with the spirit of a God who moves mountains and whispers in the ears of his people to do something....
14 What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds ? Can such faith save him? 15 Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. James 2.