Mar 17, 2008

Maybe a little frustrated

so many different thoughts in my head that are keeping my from a project that I need to be doing, so I figured I should write them out before my mind goes crazy.


I was kind of in an off mood during the day; it came after having an intense weekend with my youth group at a conference in Seattle.
I came to my boyfriend’s town to visit and hang out but found that the majority of the day kept me with my own self (it is definitely not boyfriend’s fault (he had to do something, and that something was amazing). I was trying to work through what it was that set my mood off and came to two conclusions;
1) I was emotionally spent after having conversation upon conversation with my kiddies (I love conversations BTW, I think I may just have needed some moments to myself to digest all that I learnt, heard and was asked)
2) I don’t know anyone in the town my boyfriend lives in so I kind of felt like his tail throughout the day, and I hate feeling like a tail. Dont get me wrong I am grateful just to be in a room with him, to be able to make eye contact with him and feel part of his life. I am just not use to not having my friends or family around me or at least in calling distance. I love people, I love being around them, phoning them, eating with them, bumming around with them …and the list goes on. It feels weird to me not to have any friends here besides my boyfriend and I think it may even bother me. I mean I realize that we have only been dating a short while but………. (I really have not but). It just bothers me.


I don’t want to live my life in the middle. I want to be totally in it or not in it at all. I mean what’s the point to have one foot in and one foot out; this will eventually lead to tension within me. Hot or cold, please no warm!


As I was waking up I realized that I have to find balance in my life. A way to ensure that my body, my friends, my spirit, my mind and all the things around me that I love are not neglected. I am not sure how to do this, I have never been good at it but I need to find balance.


I will love the rain.


Jenn said...

Balance - it's a hard one - but I'm beginning to think that the feeling of a loss of balance is the equivalent to Peter's failed walk on water attempt - he sinks, and we falter - after the whole thing with Three ended I found peace this weekend - not in the doing of nothing like I've tried in weekends past, but in being in His will. Not saying you're doing anything wrong or whathaveyou but maybe you need to step away from something for a while.

leah said...


LeahA said...

I am thinking I need to learn some self discipline or something. Jenn I understand what you are saying but I dont have the feelings that I need to step away from anything, more like I need to reorganize a few things around :)

Anonymous said...

Grrrrrrrr ya frustration is not at all enjoyable. It's frustrating when we get all frustrated by our frusration.
Please let me know what I can do to help. I totally sympathise with your feeling a bit separated and perhaps unwillingly co-dependant on sunday. We should keep that in mind for the future. It's just that I really like your presence, so I invited you to come even though I was busy. We were in the same room baby, so I was happy:) I would not have been offended the slightest amount if you did't want to.
I'm still glad that you were there and got to see/hear us and meet our worship team. And if you were my "tail" for the day, I sure had a pretty rear. buaaa ha ha ha :-) I guess now that I've read this blog...I felt similar at your church. The following you around and not knowing anyone. I guess it did't really bother me at all though.


LeahA said...

its cause your better then me

Anonymous said... it,s because i'm a boy. tuff baby tuff heehee