I was kind of in an off mood during the day; it came after having an intense weekend with my youth group at a conference in Seattle.
I came to my boyfriend’s town to visit and hang out but found that the majority of the day kept me with my own self (it is definitely not boyfriend’s fault (he had to do something, and that something was amazing). I was trying to work through what it was that set my mood off and came to two conclusions;
1) I was emotionally spent after having conversation upon conversation with my kiddies (I love conversations BTW, I think I may just have needed some moments to myself to digest all that I learnt, heard and was asked)
2) I don’t know anyone in the town my boyfriend lives in so I kind of felt like his tail throughout the day, and I hate feeling like a tail. Dont get me wrong I am grateful just to be in a room with him, to be able to make eye contact with him and feel part of his life. I am just not use to not having my friends or family around me or at least in calling distance. I love people, I love being around them, phoning them, eating with them, bumming around with them …and the list goes on. It feels weird to me not to have any friends here besides my boyfriend and I think it may even bother me. I mean I realize that we have only been dating a short while but………. (I really have not but
I don’t want to live my life in the middle. I want to be totally in it or not in it at all. I mean what’s the point to have one foot in and one foot out; this will eventually lead to tension within me. Hot or cold, please no warm!
As I was waking up I realized that I have to find balance in my life. A way to ensure that my body, my friends, my spirit, my mind and all the things around me that I love are not neglected. I am not sure how to do this, I have never been good at it but I need to find balance.
I will love the rain.