Apr 8, 2008

Because I like to read through past thoughts

Dec 1, 2006 !
I am trying to figure out if it is wrong to do a little shuffling with my friends. Well more accurately put remove some friends from my life. I know that might sound a bit harsh, but I don’t think that all the people I have in my life as friends are worthwhile. This does sound bad but I don’t want it to come across that way, all people can’t be good for you. And some people I have in my life are not. I try to be loving and gracious but to be honest I cant all the time, and with some it seems that I have to be trying at every moment not just to turn to them and say that I can’t deal with their friendship anymore and to please just leave. Maybe it’s the mood I am in right now, but maybe it’s real. If I keep the people in my life that are really having a negative impact on my spirit what is the purpose? Am I not just reinforcing my need to be friends with everyone, am I just using them? This is hard for me because i want everyone to feel loved. I just don’t know.

Today was the first day I ever drove my car all alone, it felt like a great achievement although all I did was move it from one parking spot to the next. This is not as easy as it sounds for beginners in the driving of 5 speed cars. I had to get it into first gear, turn it around and reverse it so I could parallel park all with my lovely stepfather heckling me, right now I kind of wanna just go on my street and practice but the snow scares me, I keep thinking I am going to stall and a bus will be coming and wont be able to get out the way and smash into my sweet little white Honda and that will be the end of my driving days.
Everything seems to sound negative today, it wasn’t intended at all.

Today was actually a good day; I got a massage for an hour, bought some stuff for my new car, named the car Petey with the aid of my friend Megan, actually she thought of the name and I though of the story. Petey is a poor Gardner from England who with every cent he makes feeds and cloths his family.

I got to chat with someone pretty awesome, and that always makes me smile. I like smiling, I don’t like wrinkles, but I like smiling.

I love God too, its not just an after thought, its my reason for being

Update from then: The friend that was trying on my patience is no longer as close to me as we once were, but I think this is a good thing :)

Driving little ole Petey is not as hard as I thought it would be and man I really was mad at myself for buying a standard because it seemed so hard.


leah said...

i think i'm just imagining that i've read this before. we barely even knew each other during this time. crazy eh. tu me manques.

LeahA said...

Leah I miss you soo much
are you trying to forget me or something? :(

Kimball said...

I remembered the first day I drove my car alone. The feeling is a mix of pride and fear that I might mess up and get in an accident. The feeling showed, as I got down the car and went to my office a colleague commented, "You look as if you have seen a ghost" I was pale all over from fear.

Go ahead and choose your friends, it is natural and it would make you feel better.

You might be interested in the Young Entrepreneur Society from the www.YoungEntrepreneurSociety.com. A great documentary about successful entrepreneurs.

noah said...

hahah wow, one parking spot to the next, r u JOKING ME!! i cant believe no one else ahs commented on that, that is truly shocking leaha, u crack me up! petey is a great name, i could tell he was a gardner, covered in grass and all...

LeahA said...

Noah that was a punky move... Gosh I still think the grass is still there on my car !!!

Carla's Shoebox said...

ahh...i hope its not me louie... i know we havent been talking much, i guess with our busy lifestyles and all, but your always in my heart now tomorrow and forever, we share to many wonderful memories, and beside i havent had internet in about 2 months lol but ive catched up with your life read your blogs, and i actually wanted to share something with you that i still have in my journal

you wrote to me when you were like 16 we were sittting in the cafeteria observing all the different types of clans sitting arond us haha i dont know why i still have it,haha
it was regarding "F" remember , these are you exact words

"Why am i letting fear back-no! i do wanna talk to him, but im way to scared-I am alone why can he not come to me why! why! why!- ok i have to do it..no fear, no fear please no fear


LeahA said...

Carla I dont remember that at all..but I do remember "F" though I try to keep the memorys brief... what was I thinking in regards to him??!??? Why did you not talk me out if it...hahahah

Carla's Shoebox said...

LOL brief is good , yea iknow we were foolish girls, i still laugh to myself when i think about it u dancing in the rain haha *sigh*

LeahA said...

shhessssh you remember more then I do... yes mhmmmm the dancing in the rain bit was kinda cute for my young self...and the dumping my hot chocolate on me and him....