Feb 13, 2008
So I was thinking about C and the relationship that I had with him for four years of my life and to be honest it was wonderful, beautiful, intense, enjoyable, draining, mad and well pretty great, I thought we would be together “forever” and that’s what almost happened. As I have talked to friends over the past couple years about what I experienced I have come to realize that even though what we had was awesome it wasn’t what was suppose to be. With all the love I had towards him, with all the great memories and passion it still wasn’t right, i wasnt in love with him. For a year of my life I tried to get out, I never had a concrete reason I just knew I needed out, I knew that something just didn’t sit well inside of me and that I was losing what it was that made me me, so I prayed and prayed and eventually found myself living 2000 miles away with three girls but still deeply connected to him… I didn’t understand it beyond the fact that he was great and I was a chicken …but why do I talk about this?
well as I was thinking this through it occurred to me that with all the things that were great in our relationship, he still wasn’t the person for me and this brings me to the thought that if I could have an amazing relationship with someone who isn’t right for me, how much more amazing will it be when the person is right!
This thought excites me!
I dont know what the future has in store but I know that there is plan that is far beyond anything that I can imagine and that what I want to live in, his plan.
My roomate was playing this song and it seemed fitting, or something close to fitting...its just good and cheerful and it makes me want to give love away.